There’s something solid and ’rounded’ about being 50. It’s a small step from 49 and sits on the fence of 50something. I can’t deny it – 51 seems like a different thing altogether.
I’m actually not one of those people who are particularly phased about my age. I do find myself reflecting on the ever hastening lurch of time on the size of my tummy and firmness of my thighs, but it’s not an unhealthy obsession – more a fascination that I am a bonefide middle-aged woman! I feel so young and so vibrant – how can it be that in other peoples’ eyes I probably look like someones mum or gran? I just can’t conceive of it.
It’s my birthday today and I feel more excited than ever about life. When I look back on how I have changed over the years, I am struck by how restrained and self-conscious I was about everything; how I sought approval from others about everything and lacked the confidence to stand up for myself or go anywhere on my own. I’m still not the most confident of people in certain circumstances, but I have progressed so far in my own self improvement, that I can no longer recognise the person I was. That of course is one of the main benefits of age, but I think it is also a result of actively pushing myself out of my comfort zone and consciously working on myself, to be the woman I aspire to be.
I am now at a stage in my life where I am excited by Life, because I am the master of it. I have the confidence to stand up for my principles. I choose where I want to go and when. I no longer feel any pressure to follow the crowd or engage in anything that goes against inner voice. I am happy with this work in progress which is me. It isn’t always easy, but that’s the point of being a work in progress, eh?
A few years ago, I was not in a great place and the concept of ‘gratitude’ was introduced to me. It has changed my life. I wake up ‘most’ mornings (well I am human) determined to have a good day, being positive about my health and the opportunities I have that other women (my age or not) can only dream of having. I know it all sounds a bit ‘happy clappy’, but I just can’t articulate how much Gratitude has changed the way I think and live my life. I think this has had a dramatic effect on how I view getting older. I still have dreams and aspirations and am more comfortable in my skin than I have been in years.
I’m beginning to sound evangelical. I suppose it must be the gratuitous quantities of Merlot that have found their way down my throat. “It’s my party and I’ll drink if I want to…”
Point is, I’m getting older and I feel more excited than ever. I still can’t believe I’m 51 though!